The election + what follows the myth of endless progress?

+ Links that are helping me ask good questions

I’ve been working on this post for over a week, longing impatiently to connect with you all and to show up in this community. Writing has been a challenge. Actually, I’ve lacked words for so many things since the US election two weeks ago.

How are you holding up? I can’t help but wonder what’s on your mind and heart.

I’m here to share how I’ve been feeling and how I’ve been coping. This new reality initially hit me like a slap to the face that I halfway knew was coming but couldn’t fully fathom ahead of time...

Here’s how I’ve been processing since that original slap. And I’d really appreciate hearing anything you might feel up for sharing.

In the 13 days since Nov. 6, like many, I’m coming out of shock and into a restless energy. On one hand, there’s a need to do something, and on the other, a feeling that so many solutions have been exhausted--or perhaps I’m simply exhausted by the solutions.

I’ve coped by listening to more new music than news. I’ve craved and initiated deeper conversations with loved ones. Have given myself space to untangle my experience and just call these energies what they are--grief, uncertainty, discomfort and occasional flashes of terror.

Every time I’m reminded that the soon-to-be president says power is “the ability to instill fear in others,” my reaction to his words is “No, just NO.” A small man can’t be allowed to make good people afraid. Yet for the past two weeks, just like when I was five years old, just as in the most traumatic periods of my life, I’ve been waking around 3 a.m. deep in the throes of fight-or-flight.

Fortunately, I’ve spent most of my adult life learning to work with anxiety and fear, and in recent years have finally been able to embody these teachings and take a fuller possession of my selfhood. So, I really worry less about myself. »»»I worry most for my fellow humans whose life has not offered them the same opportunity to gather wisdom that my life has.«««

One conversation from election night keeps replaying in my mind. A friend, exasperated, was lamenting that she didn’t know how to council her two young adult children who are just now entering the world and starting to build the lives they’ve been dreaming of. She kept shaking her head and throwing up her hands and exclaiming, “I have no answers for them! None!”

The air is currently thick with advice: proclamations about “what to do now” and warnings about “what not to do.” Much of this advice is valuable and practical to ponder, but my most immediate instincts seem to demand a conscious pause--a brief, less-reactive time to dust off my britches and pay attention as things continue to unfold.

So, I’m writing today to connect with you and find mutual comfort without offering advice or coming to any conclusion by the end of this essay, despite how tempting an easy conclusion would be right now. Also, today I’m sharing as a person and not as a teacher or any kind of expert. This is just a casual accounting of my attempt to wing it in the wake of a tragic shakeup that threatens my future and that of everyone I know.

Admitting I don’t have many answers feels like the safest and most solid practice right now. My friend’s election night exasperation led me to see more clearly how inadequate answers can be. Perhaps this highly unique moment I’m in requires finding questions--and not the usual ones that history has defaulted to during chaotic times--but to search earnestly for the right questions to sit with for awhile. I should face it: I’ve been through trials and tribulations but have never been exactly here before, and neither has the US. And how can anyone find the right answer without even asking the right question?

I’ve found myself just sitting with paradox and uncertainty without trying to demystify or make sense of any of it. However, I hope to eventually understand something valuable about this experience, then translate that something into the most honest insights possible, because ignorance does not feel like bliss right now.

I’m also conserving my energy while allowing my cup to refill. I’m indulging in all forms of beauty and solace as needed, consciously keeping my powder dry for any future crisis moments when I need to act quickly, take a giant scary leap or adjust my priorities in order to continue living a fulfilling life.

I’ve been giving more space to ways of thinking and being that society teaches us to avoid. The myth of endless progress feels increasingly exposed, along with the illusion that we--and our empires--are too exceptional to fail. Confronting these truths is both horrifying and oddly relieving. Facing harsh realities really can give a body more life. And marching forward under the pretense that “everything is fine” is best saved for situations when honesty is impossible or outlawed.

When I feel stuck or full of anxiety, I wash dishes, revisit an abandoned project, go for a walk or just start dancing--anything that feels natural and keeps me moving without draining or overwhelming me.

I’m also staying engaged with my work without forcing myself to *perform* it. Instead, I’m leaning into choices that keep the work timely and meaningful so that I stay interested. My private time with clients, thankfully, has never felt more compelling. I also know my work will be shaped by whatever I’m about to go through and I’m trying to be curious about (rather than worrying about) these new formations.

Among the work-related questions I’m sitting with are: Should I start forming and leading groups again like I did during the pandemic? Maybe revive any previous groups in a new way, such as the group around the wellness industry collapse, only this time leave out the wellness part to focus generally on collapse? I’m open to your thoughts. (Comment below or reply to this email if you feel up to it.)

Lastly, it seems, at least up to now, that I can’t fake my way through this ordeal. Or dissociate until it’s over. Though it’s likely to hurt at certain points, I’m best off moving through this ordeal feeling fully alive and awake.

If things continue on their current trajectory, my hope is that we (including you) find ways to share and care for one another, building bridges within ourselves and between each other.

Bottom line, we might have to grow in awkward directions and into shapes we never wanted to inhabit.

Please stay close.

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Here are a few links that are helping me sit with uncertainty and prepare for things I hope will not happen...

• First of all, some music to scroll and click to...A playlist of soft, non-muzak-y, non-new agey modern music curated by the newsletter Hard Copy. It brings me a sense a luxuriation, like being in a warm bath, and is also full of new-to-me music.

• Haymarket books is giving away 10 free ebooks that meet this historical moment including titles by Rebecca Solnit, Angela Davis, Mariame Kaba, and Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor.

• Anyone looking for a social media experience that’s real but positive and full of good, smart people, Bluesky is like twitter in its early days, only better in many ways. I joined about a year ago just to stay informed by following my favorite journalists and other public people. I currently have no plans to share my own posts with any consistency, if at all. This article outlines why Bluesky is different and why I’m enjoying the space right now after being mostly off social media for years.

• Psychologists Alison Gopnik and Tom Griffiths have studied why youth lean more heavily on creativity than adults do, writing of a tension between two kinds of thinking: exploration and exploitation.” They note, “When we face a new problem, we adults usually exploit the knowledge about the world we have acquired so far. We try to quickly find a pretty good solution that is close to the solutions we already have. On the other hand, exploration — trying something new — may lead us to a more unusual idea, a less obvious solution, a new piece of knowledge.” (This quote is from an article in Truthout, “An Imagination Party: How My Toddler Fuels My Vision for Liberation” by Maya Schenwar)

• Death cafes help people break old taboos around death and dying.

• This documentary really stirs my curiosity, feels like it could be fun to watch and take me places I’ve never been. The filmmaker’s approach to his subject really intrigues me. He could have made a straightforward film about his subject, but instead, he saw his subject as a part of an expansive, layered symphonic flow. In the spirit of discovery, I’m sharing this doc with you before watching it myself.

• “Living in a non-narrative way means rejecting a particular identity, and instead seeing life and meaning as a set of open choices.” I’d tweak that quote to say: we don’t have to so much “reject” a story as acknowledge that no story can represent our fullness nor the full range of possibilities open to us. One’s life is much more than a story.

A tool for mutual care...

• I recently witnessed a horrific race and gender based hate crime on the subway and realized harassment of people of all different backgrounds is likely to increase sharply in the future. Here’s a free online bystander intervention training from Right To Be. I’ll be taking this course. Join me? We all need to learn how to watch out for each other in safe, de-escalatory ways.

This month’s Wandering Around Vagus might be helpful. (Wandering Around Vagus is my other newsletter about the vagus nerve and polyvagal theory.) Join WAV here.

• This month’s Wandering Around Vagus is about vagal massage: what it is, easy ways to practice vagal massage and of course, its many physical and emotional benefits. It feels great. Try it!

Just for fun...

• I liked pondering: Animals ranked by how magical they are to see.

• This tiktok is here to remind you how one can imagine doing things that no one else would.

That’s it for now. Thanks for reading. I’m rooting for us. As always, feel free to reply with how you are and how you’re processing. Our conversations are possibly more important than ever. So, please don’t be shy to leave a comment below or reply to this email.

With Love + Uncertainty,