Hi there,
What shifts are you observing in yourself and the world right now?
There’s always a new energy to observe somewhere. Over the last couple of years, I’ve been really fascinated by our post-pandemic re-emergence, and particularly how many of us seem to be returning, not just once, but in slow, deliberate iterating waves as we experiment with doing things differently than in the beforetimes.
Many professional culture watchers talk about the cultural changes of the last few years as “vibe shifts.” Clearly, many of our old beliefs, values and the systems that uphold them are being updated or dismantled entirely. Rapid change has become so much the norm that we don’t always notice it. And then when we suddenly do, the response can be breathtaking.
One particular transformation people are conscious of both out in the field and in my communities is around the notion of authenticity. The old idea of authenticity as an identity (that “oh I’m so authentic” kind of humble brag labelling) has begun to ring hollow and is morphing into what my clients and I have dubbed “actionable authenticity“ which prioritizes actual behavior over image cultivation. In other words, instead of wearing the outfit of authenticity, connect with self and others in real and relatable ways. Be less concerned about how the behavior cultivates an identity.
Perhaps we’ve witnessed just how fragile and fleeting our earthly life really is. Perhaps many of us are less fulfilled by the “appearances is everything” Instagrammable lifestyle that flex cultures demand.
Perhaps we’re shedding some of our protective armor and appreciating the raw beauty and trial-and-error mess of the journey over the polished appeal and Wizard-of-Oz illusion of the promised destination.
In the well-being world I work in, self-awareness is beginning to take noticeable priority over self-improvement. It’s been a while since a client showed up for their first session with a rigid list of boxes they wanted me to help them check off in pursuit of their personal idea of perfection. We’re more often practicing our meditations as explorative processes rather than quick fixes as pills to alleviate undesired symptoms.
Nowadays, the atmosphere in my client world is more receptive and reflective. There’s a turning away from aspirations such as wanting a different body and/or a magazine-worthy life and a movement towards the truths revealed in deeper connection to who we really are. It’s not that we’ve given up on goals or healthy intentions. There’s just more awareness that in order to truly change we must first take a cold, hard look at our current state, warts and all. We’re enjoying the gift of actually knowing ourselves rather than pretending we are who we want to believe we are. There’s less pressure to perform and more openness to vulnerability and grappling with the paradoxes of humanness. More viewing the parts of self we want to improve as parts we also want to learn to love.
As for myself, I’m not an optimist per se, but most days I wake with curiosity and full-bodied readiness right alongside moments of depression and anxiety. Most days I see beautiful new worlds emerging all over the place and on my best days I’m willing to make enemies (when/if I must) in order to nourish and protect those worlds as I’m able.
I’m willing to embrace the chaos of my current self and find meaning in the parts of me I used to rush to perfect and purify. After all, I’ll never be anything other than a work in progress.
This is what I think Samuel Beckett was getting at in writing “Waiting for Godot.” To wait for Godot is to tuck away somewhere in ourselves a holding place for what we emit but can’t yet name or claim, a place that holds a key meant to unlock a door we’re destined for but not yet ready to open. Only there’s no rush to pass through the door and get to the next big thing. The waiting is the art.
I’m learning the art of waiting, which is different than trying to be patient. The art waiting is perpetually open-ended and requires a suspension of belief in a result. Even as we know on another level the result is out there in our pathway somewhere, and we may never find it. Or it might not be as glorious as we expected.
To the extent that I’m a leader or a guide, I’m also willing to be influenced. Albeit by the right people.
I’m willing to keep reinventing myself and to be educated by everyone and everything around me, including difficult people and situations.
I’m willing to be the one who points out the wounded elephants in the room. I care enough to tend to the ruptured places in us that are asking for attention, the places we’ve abandoned and turned away from.
I’m willing to focus my work on building communities and relationships and not just creating strategies that empower individuals.
I’m willing to work to help others do the same.
And I’m learning to let go of those who can’t or don’t want to change, those who refuse to be helpable through a lifetime of avoidance or any other reason beyond my capacity to meet.
And yes, I know that the changes that birth beautiful new worlds scare a lot of us to death. There’s a very old terror still lurking in our midst that hates the possibility of radical healing and wild upsurges of change and can’t tolerate the belief that new beautiful worlds are possible. I get it, I really do, change is disruptive. But I’m not going to give in to the haters and I’m so grateful that many of you aren’t giving in either.
After all, the haters are always scanning for weakness and people who turn on themselves before turning on others. They’re hungry for scandal and anything they can look down on. But our grace is their kryptonite. Every time we remind ourselves not to be enraged 24/7 at the ignorance of haters and the danger they pose to human life, we create another key that unlocks another door that opens us to a glimmer of a new beautiful world that the haters will never want to go or even know about.
These new world keys can be many things to many people. The key for me has been to learn to befriend my nervous system along the road to befriending myself. Because befriending myself isn’t something I can just think my way around or talk therapy my way into. I know because I’ve tried. For me, the key to real, lasting change is to embody the changes I seek rather than just struggling to change my mind to reflect the patterns of the changes I seek.
The body is truly a holding place for all that we can’t yet name or claim.
Thanks for reading.
May we hold safe places in ourselves for what we can’t yet name or claim. May we share our keys with one another and walk together through doors into new beautiful worlds of our own making.
Even if we never meet or work together directly, we can work on the same wishes from afar simply by caring about the same beautiful new worlds.
👉 If you’re interested in working with me, I have room for 1-3 clients, depending on how often we meet. You can find out more here. And book a session here. If you’d like a free 20-minute session to ask questions or see if we’re a fit, book it here.
(One more thing. For most of the 17 years of this newsletter, we never had a comments section to share in, so I’d invite you to hit reply to my emails and share your thoughts with me. We created a system that allowed us to have meaningful conversations for almost 2 decades— amazing. And now that we have a comments section, let’s use it just as amazingly! I’d love to hear your questions and responses to this post as well as any experiences you have to share around shifts you’re making and seeing in yourself and the world.)
With Love + Rings of shiny, jingly keys,
So nice to see you here too, Tina x
So true … and as Tom Petty would sing : “ the waiting is the hardest part”